When I'm there, I am comfortable, I'm peaceful, I feel the spirit. Monday-Friday, I am planning on going, I want to go. When Saturday comes around, it feels like Sunday came too soon. And when Saturday night comes, and Sunday morning at 7:45 AM I don't want to wake up, I seem to forget my reasons for wanting to go. I've been going 3 out of 4 weeks of the month. So it's not horrible. But I have a hard time wanting to go 4 out of 4 weeks, haha :)
I'm setting some specific goals for myself for the coming 2 weeks. I thought I'd share them here:
- Read scriptures daily. I'm studying from The Life and Teachings of Jesus Christ, I think it's an institute manual. It's pretty good. I like that it's a combination of scripture reading and manual reading, so I don't get bored with scripture after scripture. I've been doing pretty well at this; I've only missed a handful of days.
- Add in extra reading on slow weeknights. On weeknights where I have time to watch 2 hours of TV, I have time to do something productive. I want to read extra in my study manual, or some other publication. I have Ensigns, some temple prep materials, and the interweb.
- Pray. Seriously, this is hard. I need to find space to pray out loud, and not mind-wander.
- I'm going to make it to the next 4 consecutive meetings. Entire meeting blocks.
I have other goals, but these are the ones that will affect me the most spiritually.
Okay, so... This sounds weird, but I believe in God. I might just be one of those people who believes; I might just be one of those people who it works for. But everything to me says, "God exists." This is why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's important for me to remember that. Sometimes I think it's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day or weekly things a church has its members do. But there is a reason behind what I'm doing, and I need to remember that. I'm not reading scriptures or praying because I have to. I'm praying to remind myself of my greater goals. I'm praying to feel connected to my creation and greater purpose. I'm studying written text because I can trust they will teach me more about my purpose, and how to accomplish my lifelong goals, and how to be a better person.
And right now, (and probably for a long time) I'm praying to learn how to be more patient, more humble, and more kind in everything that I do. My husband, my family, and my coworkers are not exempt from my kindness just because they're around me more often than strangers. They deserve it most. I believe I can be more forgiving, and that I can learn how to be less controlling and less bitter if I remember the example, and reason behind the example, of Christ. My actions should be my behavior; not just something I do every now and then, but something I do all the time. Broken relationships I have are formed by my own poor choices.
I have other regular people goals I'm working on right now too:
- I'm learning guitar. I'm practicing a lot (I'm shooting for every other day), and taking lessons from my brother via skype. Not only is this integrating music into my life more, but I get to chat with my brother who I don't get to see very often :)
- I'm editing a lot and have deadlines to meet, and locations to scout. Scouting CAN be fun.
- I am trying to spend more time with family I don't usually spend time with.
- I'm trying to be a better neighbor. I suck at this. And I'm awkward.
- I'm trying to read and finish books. I don't know what it is with me lately, but I have a hard time starting one book and finishing it before starting another. I quickly find myself in the middle of 4 books and don't know which one to go with so it seems to take forever to finish any of them.
- A bagillion other goals I don't want to write down, which may include keeping my kitchen clean, laundry not on the floor, garbage not stinky, car's check engine light not on, etc.
I've been waiting for an update. Does that make me sound creepy, hope not.
ReplyDeleteBecky you are one strong lady, I hope I've told you that before. I myself went through a slump, it was hard to get up and go not only to church but to the meetings I needed to go to, and serve in the capacity that I needed to. I think the sisters would be surprised that I literally "faked" it for a little bit. But I never lost my testimony just my physical drive to keep going.
So keep up the good work, and fake till you make it. And remember that you are a daughter of God. Something you might try, and if you want a buddy to go with I would join you but you might try an institute class, they aren't only for singles. Think about it...
I loved this post. You are so great with words. I totally get what you are saying about Sunday coming too soon sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I like church as well or the same reasons as you, I feel the spirit and peace. I KNOW it is true. But I think Satan gets us in the day to day things, and I think he knows that when we go we do feel the spirit. So of course he would try to get us not to go. But I admire you and you are an example to me. I need to be better at reading my scriptures and praying as well, and you have inspired me to be better from reading your blog. So thanks!
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